On the last Friday in May an unspeakable act of violence occurred here in Enumclaw. The victim, Amy Erwin, was my son’s kindergarten teacher 16 years ago. She was a gifted teacher and a kind, responsible person. The murder of this lovely woman, who had been an incredible force of good in her classroom, horrified, angered and grieved me beyond words. My heart goes out to her family, students and friends, for the senseless loss they must deal with forever.

My heart also aches for Zack’s family. My hope is that the whole community can treat everyone who is hurting over this terrible act with the kindness and compassion that we would hope for ourselves in a time of grief.

I also have a second hope. If we as a community and individuals can start teaching our children, especially our boys, how to deal appropriately with the anger and pain that will occur in life, we could theoretically reduce the terrible amount of domestic violence in our community. This can’t be done just at the schools, because it needs to be started at a much younger age.  Children, and many adults, must be taught to deal with anger in a straightforward, but nonviolent way. Boys should not be shamed for crying.  Being a man should be defined as taking care of one’s responsibility to family and community, which is a much harder job than swaggering, boasting and bullying. Coaches need to emphasize hard work and then more hard work to be excellent, and roundly condemn cheating and poor sportsmanship at every turn. The best athletes do not get mad, or get even, they get the job done. Winning fairly is the best reward. Those who “win” unfairly are the real losers in life.

Parents who behave badly at their children’s sporting events need to be told kindly but firmly to throttle back on their behavior by several, or even better all of the other parents, with one person acting as spokesperson but obvious unanimity from the rest of the parents. It will be a lifelong process, but we can build a more civil society.

We have a lot to work on. Let’s all blunt this terrible loss with acts of kindness and responsibility, which we can mentally dedicate to Amy, our children and our community.

Alexes Shuman

Enumclaw