T’was the night before Christmas

And in my funny house.

Not a creature was stirring

Not even a mouse;

In part it was quiet

‘cuz I was not there,

You see, I’d snuck out

for a breath of fresh air.

On this eve in our town

there’s not much to do,

So, stay home with your families

that’s my tip to you;

The streets are most empty

‘Cept for lonesome me,

And most gin-mills are closed

Like the Mint and the Lee;

Ivy’s with her children

Sealed up in their home,

To be sure they aren’t bothered

She’s turned off the phone;

Also Tamara is home

Which is where she should be,

Not out slinging drinks

To oddballs like me.

Yet the Ski Inn is open

As you might assume,

And the place is quite crowded

Within the poolroom;

And Gary, the cowboy

Sits near the front door,

On the stool that was Howie’s

In years gone before;

Bob Valentine says

“Let’s go to the Moon,

His wife sings “White Rabbit”

That’s her favorite tune;

I saw Clark at the bar

And he’s not alone,

His daughter is with him

Texting on her phone.

But I can’t stay there long ‘cuz

I’ve friends I should meet,

At a Christmas eve party

With good things to eat,

And some very nice gifts

For most everyone,

And we’ll all laugh and drink

Having all kinds of fun,

Most everyone there will

Get high as a kite,

Not so much from the booze as

From the splendid sight,

Of gift wrapping paper

Being tossed left and right,

And the party continues

Late into the night.

I invite a few friends to

My house if they’d come,

To spend the wee hours

With a hot-buttered rum,

And we sprawl on the floor

While Christmas tunes play,

And laugh at the ending

Of a near perfect day;

Then I happened to think

This is a good time,

To toast all of you with

This poem’s closing line;

So I’ll raise my hot cup

with seasonal cheer;

Have a fine merry Christmas

And a happy new year!