Domestic violence awareness recently exploded because of a video showing Ray Rice in an elevator dragging his unconscious fiancé after he punched her. Aware of what happened, his employer, his teammates and fans didn’t care as long as he could play football and entertain. Once everyone’s eyes were repeatedly drawn to the incident, somehow it became real. Seahawks Coach Pete Carroll says we need to do things differently, that we need to care. We saw, and then we cared.

What seems like forever, we have held empty hearts and turned blind eyes and deaf ears to DV.  Did you know October was Domestic Violence Awareness Month? Do you care? In Washington state, 35 people were killed in 2013 as a result of DV. One out of four women suffer physical or sexual assault or stalking from an intimate partner or date. Does this matter enough for you to take action?

The first step in solving a problem is admitting there is one. Abused Deaf Women’s Advocacy Services’ documentary premiere in Seattle of Engaging Deaf Men Project is opening ears to the cries and anguish in different circles of our culture. Deaf women have odds of one out of two suffering from DV or sexual assault. Why is that?

We should not have to wait until we witness DV before taking action. Whether physical, sexual, psychological or financial abuse to someone’s intimate partner is or has happened, if we learn of it and are in a position to help the victim or batterer, we must. Even if it comes across in a story or joke, we need to react. There is a greater need of moral support and resources for victims, but we’ve left the batterer out of this loop. If we were a true friend to one, we would tell them their actions are deplorable and they must stop. They need to be held accountable, but they also need our help. The best way to stop DV is to help in every way you can, each time you can. Be a vocal bystander, stand up and speak out. Children must be taught how controlling behavior can lead to abuse within an intimate relationship.

A comparable NFL example was Adrian Peterson abusively hitting his child. Did his teammates or fans really care about his parenting of children when he has fathered at least five (ESPN says at least seven – Peterson won’t say) children from at least three (maybe five or more) different women, in multiple states? Might he even not parent at all to some of them? Sadly, a 2-year-old child of Peterson was killed in a domestic violence incident, by the child’s mother’s boyfriend.  Yet Peterson learned of the child’s existence only weeks before death. I don’t know the reasons why this was so, but could this almost be worse than whipping a child? Does this great player still stand tall on a pedestal, since no one was speaking up? Regarding the physical abuse incident the NFL has finally spoken with a suspension, but look at the long and torturous process it took from May until now. What should we expect, when we’ve focused only on his entertainment value.

Coach Pete was right. We need more compassion in our hearts. We need to do things differently. We need to care. But we also need to act.

Trip Hart is a member of LINCCK Civility • Compassion • Kindness, helping to promote healthy relationships.