My GG is gone. Many people lose their grandparents, and it’s very sad. But this one is mine, and it’s breaking my heart. For me, growing up in a house full of rough and tumble boys with an overwhelmed mom and a dad who didn’t know what to do with a quiet, bookish daughter, my grandma was a refuge of calm, loving, peaceful order. They say children don’t need to have special privileges or opportunities to be successful in life, they just need one person who believes in them. My grandma was mine; that hole feels pretty big right now.
Kathleen Jewel Ingram was born April 18th, 1927, in Enumclaw, WA, to Frank and Lucille VanHoof as their third of twelve children. She grew up in a family blessed by love, friendship, and fortunately a farm that fed a passel of kids during the Depression. She excelled in school, graduating as salutatorian of her high school class. Asked to make a speech, she tried to wriggle out of it but ultimately made her fourth-grade drop-out daddy cry proud tears.The glamour of secretarial work made an early impression on Kathleen, who was hired as an Enumclaw High School secretary immediately after graduating. It was during that year that Kathleen met and married her dashing, exotic, recently released from the Navy, Oklahoma-born husband, Buck.
During their 73 years together, Kathleen and Buck had many adventures together, beginning with a road trip to Oklahoma to visit the folks and introduce the new bride to her in-laws. It must have been quite an eye-opening trip for Kathleen, who noted in her wedding album, “We had a swell time.” I can imagine…before the advent of the interstate highway system, air conditioning, or alternatives to enduring a die-hard Baptist reception of an unknown, Catholic replacement for the previously selected hometown girl. Regardless, Kathleen’s grit and iron-clad moral code meant she was married for good, and it mostly was.
She and Buck welcomed their first, golden child Steve a year into their marriage, followed by socialite Toni two years later, and the surprise of baby Jennifer 16 months after that. Three children in four years keeps you busy, which Kathleen was—taking care of house and home, polishing baby shoes while her children napped (or maybe that was only for Steve), and sewing the first of many beautiful matching dresses for her daughters. She was a gifted seamstress and continued to make gorgeous formal dresses for Toni and Jennifer throughout high school.
Fortunately, Toni took over the meal preparation as soon as she was able, as Kathleen, known for cooking “High and Hot,” was not as gifted in the kitchen.
Kathleen and Buck had an active social life, often dancing or listening to live music with friends. The children did require an adjustment in the beginning, however; one Friday night, Buck pulled in the driveway, honked the horn, and Kathleen ran out to hop in the car. Lucky for Steve, she remembered before they hit the highway that “We have a baby!” and made Buck turn around to get him. Her VanHoof family was always very important to Kathleen, who rarely missed a baby or wedding shower, wedding, graduation party, reunion, Easter or Christmas party.
When you have thirty-two nieces and nephews, that’s a lot of parties.
Kathleen returned to the workforce as a secretary for Weyerhauser at the White River Mill after Jennifer began school, eventually advancing to the corporate headquarters in Federal Way. I remember visiting her for a fancy lunch in the corporate cafeteria, where my grandma in her dress, high heels, and panty hose looked so sophisticated. She enjoyed her job, maintaining her professional efficiency until she retired in 1983, when she and Buck began another series of adventures.
That road trip to Oklahoma was the first of many for Kathleen and Buck. With her typical competence, she would pack the car with all the essentials—clothes, toiletries, medicines, snacks, and cooking implements—and plot the route, making reservations at motels along the way and planning stops. Favorite destinations were Ojai and Hemet, CA, where they would spend the winter months with hoteliers and friends Sam and Cindy Lu. Kathleen and Buck became avid golfers, visiting Lake Shastina, CA, Tri- Cities,WA, and other golfing meccas. Kathleen also loved to visit Reno, where she dominated the blackjack tables, and Jackpot,NV, where she and Buck could gamble and meet up with friends— 70-year-old “kids” whom they befriended along the way. She and Buck traveled to nearly all the lower 48 states, as a duo and on one memorable RV trip with Buck’s brother Marlin and his wife Wilma.
They also became active with the Auburn Senior Center’s softball and volleyball teams, although an injury redirected Kathleen’s energy to score keeping and team management, an area in which she excelled.
Kathleen and Buck’s family continued to grow over the years to include eight grandchildren and fifteen great-grandchildren. Kathleen loved all the new babies in the family but especially her grandkids. She made a special effort to make them feel special: taking the first step to enroll Tina in baton lessons, making peanut butter and Karo syrup pancakes with Aaron, playing fun games in the car with Ryan and Christy. She butted heads with Keenan, who refused to talk on demand as a toddler, and was the surprised recipient of his first words, “I’m not going to eat that, and you can’t make me!” She loved on Tony’s boys, who treated her like a queen. She provided a safe space for Angela and cheered for Tyler at all his sports events. Kathleen meticulously filled her calendar with ball games, performances, and other events to make sure that everyone got equal support. She worked hard to make sure we each got thoughtful gifts and carefully accounted to make sure no one was short-changed for a birthday or Christmas. Kathleen, now known as Grandma, GaGa, and eventually GG, was the keeper of the “right decisions.” Each new boy or girl friend was scrutinized and deemed not worthy, until the magical day when they received a pair of Christmas socks fromGG. It was a rite of passage. GG was my lifelong best pen pal and supporter. Cards to wish me a happy birthday or happy anniversary arrived exactly on time, and notes just to say hi or that she was thinking of me arrived whenever I needed them, whether I knew it or not.
Over the past six years as GG became less active and more restricted to the house, she inevitably lit up when I would visit. She told me that not many grandparents get visits from their grandkids. I told her not many grandkids my age still had grandparents to visit. 2024 would have been my 50th Christmas Eve at my GG’s house. Her absence will impact her family greatly, and stories and memories are most welcome.
Kathleen was preceded in death by her parents, Buck, brothers Les, Dan, Don, Chuck, and Fred, and sisters Vivian, Clara, and Nadine. She is survived by her sisters Donna and Caroline, brother Frank, her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. She will be celebrated at Mass at Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Enumclaw at 9:00 on January 10, 2025, followed by a reception at Sacred Heart. Kathleen will be laid to rest with Buck at the Enumclaw Cemetery after the reception.
