Back in the 1950s a popular song asked, “What is love?” To this question the song gave this reply: “Five feet of heaven in a pony tail.” It was a simplistic, juvenile, romantic and rather humorous answer to a complex question. “What is love?” Is there a test to determine the genuiness of love?

The word “love” is perhaps the most misused and misunderstood word in the English language. We may say, “I love chocolate” or “I love my new car” or “I love my spouse” or “I love God” or “I love people” – and use the same word for all of these instances.

If the average person were to be asked “What is love?,” the typical response would almost certainly begin, “Love is a feeling…” or “Love is an emotion…” But is love primarily a feeling or an emotion?

C.S. Lewis, in his book “Four Loves” describes the meaning of “love” in four Greek words. The Greek word “eros” was used to describe mutual attraction between two people, the kind of love which brings together friends and lovers. The English word “erotic” is derived from this Greek word. In modern terms we might define “eros” as “romance” or liking another person. It is eros that is the subject of love songs, love stories and romantic movies. It is that emotion which is sometimes described as “walking on air,” “hearing music,” etc.

Another Greek word, “philia,” was used to describe “brotherly love,” love for humanity, and love between friends. Philadelphia is “the city of brotherly love.” It is often used in English as a prefex or suffix to define a particular kind of caring for people or things such as “philanthropy,” or “the love of mankind.”

A third Greek word for “love” is storge. This is the special kind of love between parents and children. We see this kind of love in images of nursing mothers, family caring, and the hugging and affection between family members.

The New Testament adopted a Greek word, “agapao,” and invested it with Christian meaning to especially describe the kind of sacrificial love which led Jesus to the cross. It is the Greek word for “love” used in John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son,that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life.” “Agapao” or “agape” always contains the idea of self-sacrifice. God loves the people of the world so much that He sacrificed the life of His only Son to pay for the sins of everyone in the world.

In fact, the apostle John in I John 3:16 tells us that Christ’s self-sacrfice is the very definition of love. “By this we know love, that [Jesus Christ] laid down his life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethern.” The ultimate test of love, then, is to be willing to die for someone else, to give one’s very life to save the life of another. That is the kind of love soldiers demonstrate when they fall on a bomb or hand grenade to save the lives of their comrades. It is the kind of love which offers to others our greatest gift–our very lives.

These four Greek words can help us define a healthy, loving marriage. That is a marriage with romantic attraction and affection, with friendship between spouses, warm love among family members, and especially the willingness to sacrifice for the benefit of the other person in the marrage.

So love is not primarily a feeling or an emotion, but it is instead an attitude of sacrifice which leads us to acts of self-sacrfice for another.

Therefore, by this ultimate test of love we can ask ourselves “Do I love this other person?” And we can use this test: “For whom am I willing to die?” or “Would I give my life for the life of fiance, my spouse, my friend?”

Jesus did.