What are the real human needs?

Stephen Covey became famous for his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Human needs according to Covey are: “To Live, to Love, to Learn, and to Leave a Legacy.”

Covey’s words have had an enormous impact on my thinking about how to spend my time, especially as I age. I think a lot about the legacy I will be leaving to my children and grandchildren.

I never really knew either of my grandfathers. My mother’s father died when I was only one year old. My father’s father died when I was eleven. He only said about four or five words to me in those early years of my life that I can remember. I came to know my grandmothers better because both outlived their husbands by at least a decade.

I spent my growing-up years in Washington. Both my parents originally came from Montana. We visited our relatives there on an annual basis. Both grandfathers left me a legacy by what my relatives said about them. which I still carry with me to this day. I’m not sure they thought much about the legacies they were leaving to their grandchildren, but I did.

When I became a grandfather, I asked myself “What kind of legacy am I going to leave my grandchildren?” Their memories of their grandparents will come through the stories that they were told about their lives, and about the things they saw them do or not do.

I recently took two of my younger grandchildren, ages 12 and 9, a girl and a boy, to visit what remains of our Montana family. All but one of my aunts and uncles are gone. My remaining aunt is 98 and has dementia. I wanted them to meet and remember her, the last family member who was born before World War II. I wanted them to see the family farm where my father and aunt grew up and to learn about them and their life experiences.

We began our trip by showing them photos of my grandparents and parents as we started our journey. “Do you know who these people are?” “Do you see what they’re wearing?” “Which of the three young boys is me?” Since my grandchildren had never seen these photos, they had no idea who these people were. They had no concept of the life I had lived before they were born, so as we drove, I told them some of my life stories—what choices I made and how I came to be the person they know.

My grandchildren met two of my cousins, who were in their sixties. They had a chance to interact with them and spend time with them, especially one cousin whom I took with us to visit Glacier National Park.

Back in June my wife and I traveled to Minnesota with my wife’s daughter and her two young girls. On the trip I learned that children love to swim in motel pools after long hours on the road. It helps to get the “wiggles” out. I also decided that I should get library audio books to listen to while traveling. I asked the local librarian to pick out some audiobooks she thought children of their age would find interesting. Driving is also a good time to talk with children and tell them stories about my life. They asked me a lot of questions about my past.

Toward the end of our trip, I asked them what they learned and liked. They thought my old college roommate with whom we had dinner at an Indian (Asian) restaurant in Post Falls was funny. My granddaughter learned that she did not like most Indian food.

They thought the cousin we took to Glacier National Park was nice. Through her they heard many stories about our cousins and their parents and our early lives.

My granddaughter remembered my other cousin’s compliment about them when we visited my elderly aunt in the hospital. My aunt had fallen and broken her shoulder bone in a fall. They stood quietly and patiently while I talked to my aunt and her daughter. My cousin was amazed at their patience and respectfulness. At that point, I knew it was time for us to leave. I was pushing my grandchildren beyond their endurance.

Hopefully, my grandchildren will remember these experiences for the rest of their lives.

Was it a perfect trip? No. But this was my way of leaving a legacy to my grandchildren.

Thanks too, to Stephen Covey for his wisdom and foresight: “To live, to love, to learn and to leave a legacy.”