In the week following this year’s much anticipated graduations, I think it’s time we make some hard choices about educational funding.
Each year the state legislature is forced to cut more funding from K-12, public colleges and universities. I propose that we don’t need half the budget we are currently allocating for education, and I’m prepared to prove it.
Every year estimates get revised and schools have to lay off more teachers and special assistants and cancel valuable programs. Parents, teachers, students and observers have watched the last three years and wondered, “when will it end?”
The simple answer is that the cutting will end when the funds required for educating our children are less than the money the state has available. And though we haven’t realized it, there is much to be done.
My grandfather always said that running a government department should be done just like running a business. That means you have two sides to success: income and expense.
First, let’s tackle expenses.
Textbooks are an expensive waste of paper, especially when they are constantly being revised. With such a bulk purchase, the state department of education should be able to negotiate an electronic textbook arrangement that would save millions of dollars each year, while simultaneously providing our students with the most up-to-date materials.
While they modernize the curriculum by negotiating for electronic textbooks, they can save even more money by eliminating a subject American students are constantly failing anyway – history. History is yesterday’s news – how can it possibly be relevant today? Eighty-six it.
A major step to save a straight 10 percent in educational expenses would be to end the state’s commitment to educate ALL students. Honestly, with the job market what it is, who are we kidding when we pretend that there will be jobs for all of these young people if they graduate from high school?
Instead, let’s take the bottom 10 percent of underachievers and give them hands-on training for labor professions such as janitorial, plumbing, recycling and waste management on their own campus.
We could place these students in P.E. (which would now stand for “Productive Exercise”), a special setting in cooperation with community industrial partners to have the children provide labor during school hours. Some states like Wisconsin and Maine are ahead of us already, having already introduced legislation to roll back child labor laws. Some of this student effort could even be put toward the production of electricity, utilizing large hamster wheel-like devices.
Further capital reductions could come from nearby Joint Base Lewis-McChord’s bulk purchasing power, permitting a great bargain on military-grade Meals-Ready-To-Eat (MREs), which would provide students with delicious and nutritious nourishment.
Over the last hundred years, other unnecessary “improvements” that have laid a heavy burden on our schools’ budget include shifting away from the one-room schoolhouse model and the diesel school bus.
Given the unpredictability of fuel prices, perhaps we should re-consider the horse-drawn carriage as a method of transport.
All of these suggestions would have significant effects on the operational efficiency of our state schools, however the largest burden – meeting payroll – would remain. Tackling the personnel issue is crucial to successfully turning this budget crisis around, and I believe we can turn this greatest expense into an income-positive situation.
First, lay off those greedy union teachers, who relentlessly ask for job and income security from year to year. Then, eliminate the requirement for teachers to have a master’s degree.
Next, offer to use our schools to house prisoners from the recently closed McNeil Island facility and allow criminals to teach our children.
So you see, within a year, we could have our state’s education system in the black, and the Department of Corrections would have a reasonable solution to its overpopulation troubles. A true win-win!
Saving these expenses and turning these departments around would allow the state to invest more money in efforts that would really get our economy turned around – like giving more tax breaks to businesses or reducing licensing fees on 40-foot-plus yachts. This is exceedingly important because, as a society, especially when children are involved, it’s crucial to put our investments firmly behind the all-American values we believe in.
Reader’s note: This week’s “Our Corner” was written by Publisher Brennan Purtzer using an absurdest literary technique known as “satire.” Mr. Purtzer does not actually believe the suggestions he is proposing to be good ideas, but rather hopes the repulsive effect of his suggestions will cause all parties to re-frame theirperspective on the issue.
