I recently had a conversation with my 89 year-old mother. She was concerned with this whole “left/right, conservative/liberal” thing, and what it all means. I pointed out a few items and asked what her stance was on some issues, and I explained that helps narrow down where you sit on the whole political spectrum.

That got me thinking, and this is what I came up with: There have been those who sneer and call me an “ultra conservative” – and to me, it feels like I am just a “normal guy” – so with that in mind, here we go.

One of the basic tenets of being a “conservative” is that we believe in God, family, and country (belief in Ford vs Chevy is optional). If you can get behind that statement, you might be a conservative.

If you believe in a God that knows us and loves us, then you might be a conservative.

If you believe that God sometimes makes a mistake and sends female souls into male bodies and vice versa, then you may not be a conservative.

If you believe that the family is strongest when there is a mother and a father in the home, and they are married (to each other), you may be a conservative. It is understood that not all families get that ideal situation, but that it is the ideal. Having both male and female role models helps a child to learn both aspects and how to act.

If you believe that America is one of the best places in the world to live, you might be a conservative. Just to put it in perspective, since Biden took office, around 2 million illegal aliens have poured into the U.S. That is somewhere between the size and population of Houston and Phoenix. I challenge you to think up two other countries that people are clamoring to move into like they are into the U.S. (outside of refugees exiting a war).

If you have a problem in supporting those two million people, giving them free room and board and paying for their education and medical insurance out of the kindness of your heart — and your tax dollars — then you might be a conservative.

If you have a hard time looking at the gas tank, the grocery store, and other consumables, and see how fast that the prices are going up, you may be a conservative. The current party in office is saying that this is all caused by Vladimir Putin. If you believe this, I have some lake front property and some bridges that I would like to talk to you about afterwards. Back in the good old days, they used to teach something called economics – for those of you that took those classes, try to remember what would happen when you printed up several trillion dollars with nothing to back them up. (Hint: it rhymes with “binflation”).

Speaking of education, if you look what is being taught in today’s world (outside of Enumclaw, of course) the principles of meritocracy are being ridiculed (things like “Doing an honest days work, for an honest days pay”, showing up for work on time, wanting to work, and that you should get ahead by talent, effort, and achievement). Instead, if you don’t have any good things in your life, it is because of “The Man” is putting you down and has to do with things that happened a hundred years ago.

If you have large groups of people that are having a hard time getting through school, learning the basics of reading, writing and arithmetic, and for some reason are having a hard time getting a well-paying job, and when the “smartest people on the planet” are coming up with solutions like lowering standards, stop giving bad grades, and still passing these students instead of addressing the causes and fixing the problems — if that drives you up the wall, then my friends, you might be a conservative.

If, as a parent, you are not allowed to give your child an aspirin to take at school when they have a headache, and the nurse is not able to give them one, and then you find that many school districts are changing you child’s school records to match a new gender (all with “let’s not tell Mom and Dad about this”); if you dare speak out about this or disagree with this, then you are labeled as a dreaded “transphobic” and will get publicly shamed and in many cases, may very well get you fired at your work. If those thoughts are dancing in your heads, then you may very well be a conservative.

If you think long and hard and can’t think of a single country that successfully was running under socialism, then you automatically are included as a conservative.

With that understanding, if you find that many of our nation’s leaders and most of the places of higher education are currently teaching the values of socialism, and it doesn’t make sense to you, and you wonder what their agenda is – then that will help you to understand that you are a conservative.

If the idea that a six-foot tall male, weighing 240 pounds, can one day simply declare, that from this point on, he is going to identify as a female, and then proceed to compete in women’s sports and go up against girls that have worked for years to get where they are today, and then have all of their accomplishments go down the drain, because “To be fair, he did say he was now female” — if that causes you to skritch your head, and deep inside say, that isn’t right, then you are now officially a conservative.

Now, being that this is America that we live in, you have the God given right to not believe any of these things. In fact, I will support you in that right. I am not a hater – I believe the same as Ted “Theodore” Logan and Bill S. Preston (Bill & Ted) when they taught that we needed to “be excellent to each other”. You don’t have to agree with me, and that is all right. As the poet once said (roughly translated), “You do you, and I will do me”.

This is my last article. I loved Enumclaw, but I voted with my feet, and moved to North Carolina – I hope all who read this, will think about these things, and congratulations! You might now identify as a conservative!